My hair didn't quite turn out like I wanted, but I was able to do something like a rocker-esque look with it and it came out pretty cute. Better than I expected. See for yourself...
Freshly done
A little sweated out
Last night
What do you think? I may keep this style for a while, considering I really don't have to do anything to my hair. I'm sure this probably isn't considered a "protective style" but for now I think it'll do.
Oh yeah, a few growth pix as well (from about two weeks ago):
*We interrupt our regularly scheduled hair blog for this important announcement*
It is time for my girly side to make her re-entry into the world. The Tori D. who always had the perfect outfit, wore a signature shade of lipstick and was rarely caught in flats doesn't come out that much. She peeks her head out every now and then, but she's become a bit of a recluse over the last year or so. A couple of things are to blame for this. There is the fact that I get up ridiculously early for work, so I sleep until the very last minute & then rush out of the door. There is also the issue of there not being ANY attractive, available men at work or in class. Plus, the extra pounds that make dressing well a lot more expensive were a bit of a blow to her ego too. Although I'm far from a slob (never that, even on my worst days!), I have kinda forced my prissy side into hiding.
But I think I can coax her out... With this... I caught myself drooling over this eyeshadow palette and knew that my inner girly-girl was crying "Give us free!" I've never even been much of a makeup person (other than a little foundation every now and then and a lil lipstick) but this makes me wanna change my ways. So I've decided to step my game up as far as my appearance. Heck, I'm changing up and trying new things in just about every other aspect of my life; why not this? All that to say, as I go through my transition with my hair, you'll also see me transitioning back into the priss I used to be (that is, if I can pull it off correctly!)
This blog was prompted by looking at pictures of my long permed hair, then looking at my hair—especially the roots—in its current state. I gotta be honest y’all: I don’t feel pretty.
I’ve always known that I was not “pretty” in the conventional sense. I will never be thin and light-skinned, and I've always been okay with that. But I always had the long thick hair. That was my one "redeeming quality" as far as looks. (Well, that and my tits, but that's neither here nor there at the moment!) The first thing people complimented me on was my hair; I was always known as the “girl with the pretty hair.” When I was debating whether to cut it, I was even told, “guys aren’t gonna like you with short hair.” I know, I shoulda just shanked her. LOL But I went ahead and cut it, partially to prove her wrong. Maybe I was too optimistic, thought people weren’t really that shallow. But now I think that maybe I was wro- wroooo- My fingers refuse to type that. Maybe she was right. I’ve noticed the difference in how much I’m approached (actually, I haven’t been approached at all since cutting my hair…) And that kinda has me weirded out about whether I should actually go natural. Yeah yeah, I know the way I see myself shouldn’t be affected by how much I’m approached, but right now it kinda is.(I’m in a vulnerable state, don’t judge me. LOL)
So I’m looking at my hair right now and it’s horrible. The permed part refuses to do anything. Wrapping doesn’t work. Rolling doesn’t work. Flat ironing doesn’t last. The newgrowth is just puffy and dull, even though I’ve been moisturizing and conditioning it like crazy. And the little voice in my head is saying "Just perm it. At least you'll be able to sling your hair like you used to. Remember how it used to moooove? Remember how it used to shiiiiine? We can have that again!"
I’m frustrated. And scared. I know it’s “just hair” but as far as looks, that’s what I’ve been known for! If the one thing that was always perfect is turning on me…. Well, then what?
It's been a little while since I've posted here, but I am slowly making my return! As I stated before, I will be posting some interviews with some stylists, as well as some friends in regards to their hair care regime (permed and natural), attitudes concerning black hair, their transition, etc. That will be coming very soon and I am excited about it!
In the meantime, here's what's been up with me:
I've found my style inspiration. I would love it if my hair turned out like this, but I have a feeling it won't... Fortunately I was told that I could get a sew-in to get this look! (In my ignorance of weaves and whatnot, I did not know they made weave that wasn't straight *shrug*)
I have been thinking about doing the big chop, but I dunno if I'm gonna go through with it. I don't think I'm quite that brave just yet... But if/when I do, I will more than likely get baby curl twists. I don't see myself rocking the TWA. Not that confident!
Speaking of my hair, guess I'll share some pix. It's been just a little over four months. I can see some growth!
If you look closely at the last pic, you can see the little curls starting to form! Here is my second attempt at flat ironing my hair. The first one resulted in stick-straight pieces of hair that had to be deep conditioned :-/
I saw this video and thought it was soooo cool! I wouldn't mind this if I did the BC, but I wouldn't want locspermanently so I dunno if this would actually be for me. But just watch!
I found a product that I absolutely LOVE! i dunno how to do a product review (LOL) but I'll try. The product is Optimum 3-in-1 creme oil moisturizer. It has coconut, olive, avocado and jojoba oil. I massage it into my scalp and on my newgrowth to provide moisture. It wasn't too heavy for my hair, which was a concern since it is a cream and appeared to be rather rich/heavy in my hand. I was surprised to find that it also made detangling my hair a lot easier! A win all the way around for me.
Okay, so that's all the catching up I have in me! I still want suggestions for new posts, questions to ask in my interviews, etc! You can leave them in the comments or email me at ToriDBlogs@gmail.com
It's only been 11 weeks since my last touch up. I thought I could at least make it to the four or five month mark before I started feeling like going back. There are two main things that are making me reconsider going natural. One is that the more I read the more I realize how much work and effort goes into the maintenance of natural hair. Call me ignorant, but I really did think that going natural would be easier. Then when I first started looking into it I was like "Okay, maybe a lil more to it than I thought, but I think I can handle it." Now I'm thinking "Maaaaaaan, I dunno!" With the perm I just wrap or roll my hair at night (or put it in a ponytail if I'm being lazy), take it down in the morning and go. 90% of the time it was flawless... The other 10% it stayed in a ponytail. My effort? On a scale of 1 to 10, I was maybe putting in 2.5. From what I'm reading and hearing from others, I'm definitely gonna have to change all of that. Time, energy, focus... I love my hair but I've never been one to spend forever doing it. So it's getting a little side-eye from me. The other thing is the growth. My hair was on a growing spree when I was getting a touch-up every 6-8 weeks. Now maybe it's all in my head, but I feel like my hair has just stopped. I'm sitting here like "Will I ever feel hair on my shoulders again?!" lol
On the other hand, I do have my reasons for sticking it out. One is that I want to prove my father and my ex wrong: my reasons for wanting to go natural had NOTHING to do with him. So if I go back to perming now that the relationship is over, it makes it look like they were right even though they were both dead wrong. I can't have that. Also, I love the versatility that comes with natural hair. If I just wanted to straighten my hair, I could still do that, but I could also rock a fro (which I've wanted since high school) or do an amazing twist-out like some of the pictures I've seen, or whatever! Options. I love that.
1. Soooo Good Hair is not out in theaters here yet. Apparently it was opening in select locations first or something? IDK. What I do know is that my fav theater has it slated to open October 9. So THEN I'll come back with my opinions and whatnot!
2. What are your sources? I am no hair expert. In fact, I've probably stated several times that I don't know much of anything when it comes to hair. However, I am learning, and I'm willing to share what I learn with you! I have added some blogs of note as well as hair and makeup links that you may find useful. I also plan on adding a "Tip of the Month" (or something similar) with tidbits that I get from the people that I'm learning from: several of my sorors, family members and e-friends. I'm also getting info from other boards that may not be hair related (I'm looking at you greek9.com and brownandbridal.com!) but that have a LOT of useful info. If you have some other links that may be useful, email me or leave a link in a comment. We'd all appreciate the knowledge!
3. I plan to start interviewing stylists and spotlighting black women with healthy hair that may shed some light on how they get the results they do. Permed, natural, transitioning, "texlaxed," we're gonna do it all! Like I said "It's all good hair" as long as it's healthy and you're happy with it. That being said, if you want to be featured, know someone that wouldn't mind sharing their tips and pix, or have some questions that you would like answered, let me know! (Also, let me know if y'all want to address makeup as well. I'm trying to improve on that, but y'all may already have that down!)
Seriously, it looks like it's not budging an inch. I know, I know, I just got this cut about four weeks ago... but I'm ready for it to start growing! So far it looks like I've got the same little bit of new growth that I had when I first posted a pic of my hair. I'm tempted to start experimenting with some of those products that claim to make your hair grow, but I'm a little apprehensive since I am admittedly not a "hair person" (i.e., I dunno what I'm doing). Plus my aunt/hairdresser says that they don't work anyway.
What say you? Have you used any of these creams, shampoos, oils, etc. that claim to promote hair growth? Did they work? Help a sista out. I'm still not quite used to having short hair!!
One thing that I've always had a problem with, even after getting a fresh perm, is getting my hair to do what I want it to do. It's always had a mind of its own. When I want it straight, it goes curly. When I want to wear it up, it refuses any and all association with anything that can make that happen. It frizzes at the thought of rain.
Lately, however, I have been trying something new: letting my hair do what it wants to. It does it's own thing anyway, so why fight it? Instead, I'm trying to work with it. I won't lie, it is a little frustrating to me, especially now that I've cut my hair. Before, I could just say "forget it!" and throw my hair into a ponytail. Now... not so much!
In the past week, my hair has done whatever, even after washing & setting it. I've done
What's really been surprising to me is that when I let my hair do what it does, I get more compliments than when I wrestle with it forever! Who knew?!
Had to do this late night post cuz I keep reading and hearing this bullshit and felt the need to address it, even though I've addressed it in several forums. I gotta speak for my sisters who are rocking permed hair.
PERMED HAIR DOES NOT EQUAL SELF HATE!
Let me say it again for those who can't catch things the first time around:
PERMED HAIR DOES NOT EQUAL SELF HATE!
PERMED HAIR DOES NOT EQUAL SELF HATE!
PERMED HAIR DOES NOT EQUAL SELF HATE! PERMED HAIR DOES NOT EQUAL SELF HATE!!!!!!
It is absolutely beyond me why people who claim to be all about lifing our people feel the need to down someone over how they chose to wear their hair. Really? Just because I have a perm I must not love myself, don't love being black, want acceptance from white men, etc? That is the biggest bunch of bullshit i've ever heard. Now of course i'm sure there are SOME who have issues with self image, but don't believe the hype like all natural sisters are 100% A-OK with how they look 24/7. Speaking as a woman who has had a perm for the better part of my 24 years, I can say that I have NEVER taken issue with being black. I honestly never even thought about natural vs. permed until I got to college. Perms were just a regular part of my hair care. Didn't mean I was trying to be something I'm not. Didn't mean I wasn't satisfied with myself. So why the hell do these people assume that anyone with relaxed hair is self-hating? And then why do they act as if their permed sisters are beneath them? WTF?! So not only do I have to deal with the racist bullshit from white folks, but now "my people" want to add their own oppression into the equasion (since I'm still technically permed)? I call bullshit. Bullshit bullshit bullshit. I keep saying it because I keep seeing it. It's bullshit, it's wrong, and it's yet another Willie Lynch tactic being put into affect by those that readily call out the Willie Lynch-ism of other shit.
and besides, let me ask this: I wear makeup, does that mean I'm self-hating? I wear clothes instead of running around butt ass naked. So does that mean I hate my body? I have a tattoo. Does that mean I'm not satisfied with the skin God gave me? When I am finally natural, I'm still going to style it instead of leaving it uncombed, unstyled, unwashed (i.e., TRULY natural). Will that be good enough then?!
Sometimes I wanna just shave my head and say FUCK IT to both sides. But then someone would have something to say about that too. I'd be "trying to be a man" or some shit. I dunno, but the next time I hear some stupid shit like that, I'm putting someone in their place.
So I was at work today, doing my usual post-lunch internet perusal at the front desk, when I came across this post on Shine saying that Tyra lied on her "real hair" episode because the poster didn't feel that permed hair is "real hair." It was explained in the comments over and over that "real hair" is without weave, wigs, extensions, etc. However, from her little editor's note (below) she still doesn't get it:
Editors note: Some comments are insisting that I don't get it. While I'll admit I can never experience what it's like to be a black woman, I have had several of chemical treatments done on my hair, from changing the texture to the color. I grew up with thick ringlets of curls I wasn't happy with and sweat it out with a flat iron too. I dyed my hair every color from red to purple to black. If someone came up to me at that time and said, "Wow, is that your real hair?" I would say, "Actually, no, I had it straightened/dyed/permed." Perhaps some of us have a different definition of "real." To me I was excited to see Tyra with her hair looking as it naturally grows out of her head, and felt tricked that it turns out she had colored and straightened what she showed us and described as "real" and assumed we would know it was treated.
Really, I have nothing further to say other than what I said in the title: Stay in your lane! Why would a white woman who obviously has no idea about black hair decide to judge how a black woman decided to wear her hair? Bogus, all the way around. And I wanted to come through the screen on two of the commenters. One said she expected to see "something horrendous" (why does it have to be horrendous? it's just hair. oh wait, yeah, it's black hair; scary!) and another said if she wanted to be real, she should've come out in a headrag. What in the fukk? Foolishness abounds.
Comes out tomorrow. Who's going to see it? I plan on going either Saturday or Sunday. Can't wait to come back with comments and perhaps a new point of view!
Here are the results of me washing & braiding my hair. Although I'm not crazy about it in this pic (this was the best one I took) I do like it. The way my hair is cut made the hair in the front naturally fall to the sides, giving me this early-90s, asymmetrical look. I've been playing around with it to see what else I can do, but this may be it until the next time I wash it. Anyway, just wanted to share. :)
So tonight I washed my own hair for, like, the second or third time ever. In life. I'm pretty darn proud of the job I did too. (If I didn't tell y'all before, let me tell you now: I am a complete novice when it comes to taking care of hair. I don't know how to braid, barely know how to wash it, and really don't do much with it besides either wrapping it or putting it in a ponytail. But I'm learning.) As I sat down to let my mom put my hair into cornrows (I'm gonna do the lilkrinkly style as seen in my pic in the last post), my dad asks "What you tryin' to do to your hair? Why you decide you wanna be nappy-headed? You doin' this 'cause of your boyfriend's hair, ain't you?" Now, because of the nature of my relationship with my father (let's just say it's less than stellar) I was ready to go off. But I kept my composure and simply said, "This has nothing to do with him. I just want something different," and went back to reading. He then began to make comments on how he sees some women at work coming through looking "rough" and he wonders why they don't "do something with their hair, get a perm?" To this i bristled. "There are people with perms looking a hot mess too. And just because you're natural doesn't mean you have to be unkempt." He took this some kinda way; I didn't care cuz his feelings aren't important.
What is important though is noticing the response that I've been getting from people when I say I'm going natural. I get a lot of "girl why?"s, "don't do it"s, and "whaaaat?!"s. It's like so many people believe that it will be some terrible experience and that I'll look and feel awful. I don;t get it! Why should I be scared or ashamed of what God gave me in the first place? I've come to love and adore my dark skin and my full figure, so why not my natural hair? Why do people assume having natural hair means looking raggedy, or being militant, or lesbian? (All stereotypes and assumptions I've heard based on women having natural hair). What's with all the stigma around it? Why are WE such haters of our natural hair?
Even though I just started on my journey to napturality (eight weeks on Friday) I know that eventually I will get to the point where I find it difficult to manage having both natural and permed hair. Even though most people do the Big Chop, I'm not that bold; instead I'll probably just do little trims along the way. But I've started looking for styles that would work for me while transitioning. Any suggestions or comments would be appreciated! I've always wanted straw curls, and now that I have short hair, it may be an option for me. This model's hair is gorgeous! According to the poster from Hairmilk.com (where I sto- um, borrowed this pic from) this pic shows a flat twist. I am not familiar with this, but I want to give it a try! She gives a how-to in the post "Hair Care Diary: Headscarves, Solange, and Twistouts."
I've really liked Senegalese twists ever since I firs saw them (although I just learned their real name today!). I want to try these, but I know I wouldn't want to sit there for the amount of time it takes to get it done! I'm antsy enough after 2.5 hours at the salon. Don't braids/twists usually take forever?
I may just go to my old standby method: washing my hair, braiding it in cornrows, then taking it down after it dries... I liked that look when my hair was long, so it may be cute short too...
What other transition styles would you suggest? Are there any sites you frequent or YouTube channels you subscribe to with styling tips and how-to vids?
For several years (dating back to high school, maybe even middle school--can't remember) I have had a great stylist: my aunt. She has a salon and began doing my hair after my father quit doing it for me & my mom. She's a really good, old school stylist. She doesn't do many new styles ("new" being mid-'90s to now lol) which is cool with me since I've never been one to follow trends-- I've always been a wrap girl.
However, for all the great work she does, I'm not sure if I should stick with her while I transition into natural hair. Not that I don't think she can handle it; I'm quite sure that she can. The thing is, she doesn't want me to go natural and is not really helpful or supportive in my endeavor. Last year when I first told her I what I wanted to do, she straight up laughed in my face (the whole shop did, actually) and told me I wouldn't do it because my hair is too thick and I don't know how to take care of it. Then after a few months when I didn't know what to do with it, her advice was to get a touch up. Kinda counter-active to what I was trying to do, no? This time around, she just kinda grinned and said "okay."
My thing is this: I don't want to deal with any kind of discouragement from the person who is supposed to be helping me. After all, this is my hair we're talking about; whether I want to perm it, transition it to natural or shave it all off, I need someone to work with me. I need positive, helpful advice about what products to use, how to take care of it between salon visits, etc. I'm finding a lot of stuff online and it is helpful, but I need someone to see what type of hair I have and what works for me.
In my search for a new stylist, I've only found ONE salon here in Jackson that claims to specialize in natural hair. I know other black salons probably have someone who could help, but I want to be in an environment where I'd be comfortable, with other women who have gone through or are going through the process I'm undergoing.
Am I putting too much thought into this? Should I just stick with letting my aunt do my hair? For others who once wore relaxed hair and have gone natural, did you stick with your stylist, select a new one, or start doing everything yourself? I'd love to know!
After all of my tweeting, debates on message boards and Facebook, and polling friends who have made the switch, I have decided to try to go natural again. I tried about a year ago. You can read about my fail here. But this time I'm ready, and I'm more determined than ever! So I figured I'd chronicle my journey here. So welcome!
The Why
I want to prove people wrong who said I either can't do it or won't look good with natural hair
I want to discover the hair that God gave me (I've been permed since I was 3 or 4, so I have no idea what my hair is really like)
I just want something different.
This is not because
I feel the need to prove that I'm super black (my skin can tell ya that) or think that there's anything wrong with having relaxed hair
I have damaged or unhealthy hair (quite the opposite; my hair is thick, was long until a couple of weeks ago, and very healthy)
What it (this blog) is
A place to keep track of my progress
A place for the info, misinformation, etc. that I find
place to gather ideas from any naturalistas and stylists who may wander across this blog
As of last Friday, I've gone six weeks without a touch-up. Yes, I'm at ground zero. The last time I got a perm was on July 24 when I got my hair cut. I went from this to this:
My thinking was that I maybe able to transition a little easier with short hair than I would with long hair. Last time I got really frustrated because I didn't know what to do with my hair while it was in transition. I'm thinking that I can do rods, twists, etc. easier with short hair, so maybe I'll have more options. Anyway, of today, this is what it's looking like:
Don't laugh at that last picture. It's been a long, tiresome day!
