A weight has been lifted...

LITERALLY!

Okay, I know I just posted that I'd gotten a sew-in. Shoot, I just got it a week ago! But already, like so many meals & men (wait, what?), the weave is gone...

I was going to try to stick it out for at least three weeks, but I couldn't deal! My scalp had been itching non-stop since last Friday. I also noticed that just behind my left ear, I had a little swollen knot from where the braid was really tight. But I thought I could stick it out. Fast forward to yesterday. Itching like crazy again. I go to scratch and notice a bump. Do a little more feeling around and find bumps all along my hairline! Bad business! That's neither cute nor healthy. Out of fear that keeping the sew-in would do more damage than good, I had to take it out. After getting all the tracks out and taking the braids down, I discovered more bumps, especially in those places where the itching was the worst. I tried to do damage control by DCing overnight. This morning I tried some of the We Rock Roots RockTherapy Oil from my last product review. So far, the itching has been kept to a minimum. (For those wondering why I didn't use that before: the way that my hair was braided under the tracks, it was hard/impossible to get to some parts of my scalp.)

Unfortunately I noticed that the hair that was left out up top to cover up the tracks did not revert back to their usual springy curls. Instead, the curls are just kinda limp & lifeless. I hope I haven't messed them up for good!

Anyway, I've learned my lesson. If I just gotta have something different or want to wear straight hair, a wig is probably my best bet. Of course, it's a no-go during the summer... Maybe I'll try it once it cools off. But now I'm scared to even straighten my hair for a length check. :( Fingers crossed that my hair bounces back!

A Tale of Two Textures

Twenty-four weeks. Twenty-four long, withdrawal filled weeks! Yes, it has been 24 weeks since my last hit of the creamy crack. I have amazed everyone--my stylist, parents, friends, coworkers-- by sticking with it this long. I have done much better than I did a few years ago when I attempted to transition. I credit having more support (thanks to a host of beautiful ladies online who are either already natural or transitioning like me), more education on the subject (internet came through on that too) and change in my personality as far as determination, self-expression and individuality.

Now I'm at that weird point where it's very obvious that I have two different textures going on. I did not get this far last time, so it's all new territory from here. I've been trying to hide the fact that all of my hair does not look the same. But since it's kinda hard to do that without heat, I'm limiting that. So now I have about two inches of thick, poofy waves and about five of straight hair. Honestly, at first I hated it. I looked at my hair and saw a struggle. It's a really weird feeling: I'm not ashamed of the natural hair, and I knew it would be different from the relaxed portion. I knew it would look like this once the transition was complete and I was okay with that. But seeing it with the relaxed hair... It was like bacon and ice cream. I LOVE both of em & I could eat both every day, but I ain't trying to sprinkle bacon bits on my sundae! (Sorry, I'm a little hungry.) My point is, I love both, but I didn't like the idea of them together. So what I've started doing is forcing myself to wear styles that basically show off both textures. I figure if I go ahead and put it on full display I'll be more comfortable when I do finally do the big chop. Will it work? Who knows, I'm not a psychologist. I'm just trying to find something--anything--to make the transition a little less shocking for myself...

Hair Issues: Can I be pretty with natural hair?

This blog was prompted by looking at pictures of my long permed hair, then looking at my hair—especially the roots—in its current state. I gotta be honest y’all: I don’t feel pretty.

I’ve always known that I was not “pretty” in the conventional sense. I will never be thin and light-skinned, and I've always been okay with that. But I always had the long thick hair. That was my one "redeeming quality" as far as looks. (Well, that and my tits, but that's neither here nor there at the moment!) The first thing people complimented me on was my hair; I was always known as the “girl with the pretty hair.” When I was debating whether to cut it, I was even told, “guys aren’t gonna like you with short hair.” I know, I shoulda just shanked her. LOL But I went ahead and cut it, partially to prove her wrong. Maybe I was too optimistic, thought people weren’t really that shallow. But now I think that maybe I was wro- wroooo- My fingers refuse to type that. Maybe she was right. I’ve noticed the difference in how much I’m approached (actually, I haven’t been approached at all since cutting my hair…) And that kinda has me weirded out about whether I should actually go natural. Yeah yeah, I know the way I see myself shouldn’t be affected by how much I’m approached, but right now it kinda is. (I’m in a vulnerable state, don’t judge me. LOL)

So I’m looking at my hair right now and it’s horrible. The permed part refuses to do anything. Wrapping doesn’t work. Rolling doesn’t work. Flat ironing doesn’t last. The newgrowth is just puffy and dull, even though I’ve been moisturizing and conditioning it like crazy. And the little voice in my head is saying "Just perm it. At least you'll be able to sling your hair like you used to. Remember how it used to moooove? Remember how it used to shiiiiine? We can have that again!"

I’m frustrated. And scared. I know it’s “just hair” but as far as looks, that’s what I’ve been known for! If the one thing that was always perfect is turning on me…. Well, then what?