This blog was prompted by looking at pictures of my long permed hair, then looking at my hair—especially the roots—in its current state. I gotta be honest y’all: I don’t feel pretty.
I’ve always known that I was not “pretty” in the conventional sense. I will never be thin and light-skinned, and I've always been okay with that. But I always had the long thick hair. That was my one "redeeming quality" as far as looks. (Well, that and my tits, but that's neither here nor there at the moment!) The first thing people complimented me on was my hair; I was always known as the “girl with the pretty hair.” When I was debating whether to cut it, I was even told, “guys aren’t gonna like you with short hair.” I know, I shoulda just shanked her. LOL But I went ahead and cut it, partially to prove her wrong. Maybe I was too optimistic, thought people weren’t really that shallow. But now I think that maybe I was wro- wroooo- My fingers refuse to type that. Maybe she was right. I’ve noticed the difference in how much I’m approached (actually, I haven’t been approached at all since cutting my hair…) And that kinda has me weirded out about whether I should actually go natural. Yeah yeah, I know the way I see myself shouldn’t be affected by how much I’m approached, but right now it kinda is. (I’m in a vulnerable state, don’t judge me. LOL)
So I’m looking at my hair right now and it’s horrible. The permed part refuses to do anything. Wrapping doesn’t work. Rolling doesn’t work. Flat ironing doesn’t last. The newgrowth is just puffy and dull, even though I’ve been moisturizing and conditioning it like crazy. And the little voice in my head is saying "Just perm it. At least you'll be able to sling your hair like you used to. Remember how it used to moooove? Remember how it used to shiiiiine? We can have that again!"
I’m frustrated. And scared. I know it’s “just hair” but as far as looks, that’s what I’ve been known for! If the one thing that was always perfect is turning on me…. Well, then what?
